Punxsutawney Phil Obituary

The Punxsutawney Spirit

Monday, February 11, 2013

Punxsutawney Phil,126, died at 8:01am, February 11, 2013 from injuries sustained in what police are referring to as one of the most horrific hate-crime blungeoning deaths they have seen in the history of Punxsutawney.

Officials claim that Rick Theriault, of Londonderry, NH allegedly was angered when Phil’s prediction of an early spring was soon followed by a blizzard that dumped 22 inches of snow on Londonderry on February 9, 2013. Forecasters are also predicting more snow on Monday, February 11, 2013.

Mr. Theriault reportedly finished snow blowing the driveway, shoveling his deck and his mother-in-law’s deck and then traveled to Punxsutawney and punched Phil directly in the face multiple times before ripping Phil’s head clean off his body and stomping up and down on it while repeatedly shouting “You f*cking LIAR!!!”

Phil was living in an enclosure next to the children’s section of the Punxsutawney Memorial Library when the incident occurred.

Phil was born in Punxsutawney in 1887 and worked in an extremely part-time capacity as a newscaster. He also liked eating, sleeping, having his picture taken and digging. Phil loved digging.

Phil is survived by his wife Phyllis, also of Punxsutawney.

Services will be held at the McCabe Funeral Home, 114 Maple Ave, Punxsutawney, PA from 7pm to 9pm on Wednesday, February 13, 2013.

There have been no plans announced for the funeral as expectations are that Phil will be made into a stew.

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